So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
