Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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