So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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