Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
