would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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