Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
