just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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