i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
