I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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