A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
