So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
