So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
