I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
