don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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