I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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