This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she peed on how many people?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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