Well douche your snatch and let's go!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
