Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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