Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
