Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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