If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
