In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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