it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
