I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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