She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
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It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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