Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
