i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
