absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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