I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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