What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
