made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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