shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
