census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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