Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
