I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
