pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
