just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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