his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
