I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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