I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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