A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Even my vagina gasped.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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