i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
