WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
