Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my liver is dry heaving
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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