im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
