Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
