hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
