you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
