Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he shaved USA in his pubs
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
