I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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