I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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