K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
