my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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