I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
