and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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