she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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