Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
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We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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