I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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