just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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