How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
