I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
