I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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