And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
