Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
