so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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