The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
