He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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