I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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